It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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