girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
