apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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