She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
