Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
