I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
