He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
