I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
