Old men and throwing up are my life now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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