you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
