I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize