Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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