I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
