Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
