In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
