I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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