you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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