but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drunk is a universal language darling
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
