Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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