She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
