the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
