Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize