When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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