Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When are your genitals available?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
