What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
