Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
