the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
