I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
