Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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