DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
