Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You pole danced in your parka.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
