she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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