I'm going to jail i love you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
