You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
