seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
