The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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