I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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