she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
