i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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