my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
