the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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