i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
