i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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