I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
