Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
