Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
