awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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