i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
