I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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