Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We left the knife in your bed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
