That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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