She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
