i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
