I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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