The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
