Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
