i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
